Trying to find my muse…

I’ve been having a real hard time getting back into painting paintings for gallery exhibition.  The extreme tiredness from the PALBOCICLIB anti-cancer experimental drug, the vision problems in my right eye, and then my arthritis in my painting hand, have all possibly contributed to my inability to find my way back into good painting ability again.  But I am persisting.  It may also be just a rebound from a year of attention to so many other things (medical).  It’s hard to get back into the groove.  I am doing whatever I can, whenever I can.  I am pushing myself.  Unfortunately, a lot of what I’m painting I may have to throw out.  It just isn’t working.  This week I made some progress.  What do you think of the cat painting on my front page?  The black cat?  It’s just a little one.  I’ll take little!… if it works.  Everything else I’ve painted I’ve ruined.  Ugh.  You need primary energy for good work.  I can’t find it!

So I’ve been working on things that I can do.  I finished and downloaded the “Sunflower Squirrel” book.  That will be available in a couple of weeks!  (Finally.) I’ve launched the “Envisioning the Future through Creativity” movement locally.  It’s off to a great start!  Standing room only at the first meeting!  And I’m organizing “The Six Deli Loop Bicycle Trip” for the Patuxent Tidewater Land Trust.  That should be cool.  The recumbent Trike has taken me through many days this past year.  I’m planting for the winter garden and putting up food.  I guess the moral is do whatever you can.  Maybe it will resolve and I’ll be strong and useful again.  I know I’ve always been very down and downright annoying when I can’t do good artwork.

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