It’s the day after Christmas. I just made it back for the LAST 4 days of radiation booster doses. This MAY be my last cancer blog entry. (Maybe one more at the end of the week, if anything new…or not!) I am done with thinking about it. I have learned a lot. Sometimes more than I wanted and on topics I don’t really need to bother my life with, I think. I’ve learned about wonderful human compassion and kindnesses. And I’ve seen some weird reactions by many others. I feel strong now, despite all the abuse the treatments I’ve been through. I feel confident that all will be OK, for at least a number of years. Despite what people think, we ALL are going to die of something. Dying peacefully in your sleep is very rare. I’ve learned that living well has served me well, to have the strength to fight this disease. I’ve learned to do some things I didn’t think I could (like driving on the Beltway!) If possible, I am even more intolerant of fools and lies than before! (Sorry for those who didn’t like that part of me.) I’ve learned that I can make friends in different places. I’ve learned that Frank loves me, no matter how I look! (Despite the autistic inappropriate comments he made at certain bad times!) I’ve learned that I am not my mother, or grandmother (who both died of cancer) and I will go about this in my own way. It is five years this week that my mother died of cancer…on the day I finish with my treatments. Christmas was bittersweet for me. I was very happy to be home for the long weekend. I try hard to focus on every good day that allows me the freedom to live my life fully.
I bemoaned the lack of control of my life for the last 7 months. But so many people have it worse. And I had many days that were pretty darn nice. I knew in my heart that I don’t have total control of my life, but it was a slap in the face to see it so much these past months. But now I know I probably never had as much control of my life as I believed. But wherever and whenever I can make choices, I am delighted to seize the day (carpe diem!) Cancer is a life changer, for sure. But it is in ways I could never have imagined. And life goes on. And I know mine will also. Yea! Thank you ALL who were so kind and supportive. You know who you are. You moved my heart so many times. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This is not an end. Let’s all move on. See you in 2018.