10/19/17 Friends welcome

Sorry for the persistent depression.   My doctor and nurse navigator say I need to accept the “new normal” for what I am now.  I’ll work on it.  It has been a lot to take in, in such a few months.  I am grateful to friends right now.  I need you.  I appreciate the kindnesses more than I can express.  However, don’t tell me “I look great”, or I’m “so strong”, or anything too upbeat right now.  Just “hang in there” is good enough.  And that is all I might be able to manage.

I have been feeling very tired lately.  I don’t know if it’s a delayed response to everything?     I have started to bicycle a bit this week.  I also started physical therapy.  That is working well.  I have much better range of motion than I thought would happen just one month after the surgery.  It came back quickly, fortunately.  I need to be able to keep both arms overhead (for 30 minutes) for the radiation therapy, which starts in a couple of weeks.

I am starting to get some fuzz (hair) back on my head.  I asked Frank what color it was when it first started.  He said “transparent”!!!!!!!   I said “It can’t be transparent!!!”  (It is white.)  But now some darker hairs are coming in too.  (Maybe I won’t look 80 years old after all.)  I am going around with no hat now.  I still am annoyed at people staring at me.  But this week I don’t care what people think.  I’m tired; Let them deal with it.  I feel a bit defeated that this is part of “the me” I need to get used to.  And my winter hats don’t fit my smaller hairless head.  Just when it’s finally cold enough to look “normal” wearing a hat, it’s cold outside on my naked head!  I guess I need to quickly knit up some smaller hats… as well as get new tops that fit my negative chest…and pants that don’t fall off my thinner body…(I’ve lost 16 pounds since May).  But I’ll try to buck up and take it all in.

If anyone likes knitting or spinning, and wants to join me for an hour occasionally, I would love that… Besides I have hats to make…

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